The Cast of Ergo Proxy Sees a Psychologist!
by reaper with no name
Summary: Originally intended to be a comic, but I can't draw, so...


This idea was originally conceived as a comic, but unfortunately, I can't draw to save my life. But, the premise demanded to be released into the world, even if it wasn't in the ideal medium. So, I expanded it, tweaked it, and submitted it as a story. If anyone with more artistic skills would like to help make a real comic out of this (or parts of it), feel free to get in touch with me via review/PM/whatever.

* * *

"Paging Dr Freud Wa Nabe. Paging Dr Nabe. Your 10 o'clock is here."

Dr. Nabe rolled out of bed. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something felt very wrong about this day. Somehow, he could feel that it was going to be a very stressful one.

* * *

The green-eyed man on the couch shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I sort of suffer from multiple personality disorder."

"Oh? Well, what is your other personality like?" Dr Freud Wa Nabe asked.

"Well, he's a homicidal maniac with eye beams who likes stabbing people in the chest with his claws," Vincent replied.

"…"

* * *

The dark-haired woman sitting on the couch folded her arms in annoyance. However, despite her obvious displeasure at being there, she at least seemed willing to talk.

"Well, for some reason, I find the idea of tall, dark, powerful men in masks bursting in through my ceiling when I'm about to take a bath to be very exciting. Is that normal?" Re-L asked.

Dr. Nabe wasn't quite sure how to respond to that one.

* * *

"Pino's hair used to be brown, but one day it turned purple, and Pino doesn't know why!"

* * *

Dr. Nabe wasn't even supposed to treat Auto-reivs. But here he was, seeing two in a row. He must have been more desperate for money than he had thought.

"That man! Vincent! He stole Re-L away from me!" the auto-reiv called Iggy shouted.

* * *

Dr. Nabe was relieved to have another human patient. And this was an important one, too; a young-looking scientist by the name of Daedalus Yumeno.

"That man! Vincent! He stole Re-L away from me!"

Dr. Nabe suddenly had a distinct feeling of Deja-Vu.

* * *

"I'm not exactly sure why, but I keep threatening to shoot my boyfriend. That too is normal, correct?" Re-L asked, her hand inching towards the shotgun at her hip.

Dr. Nabe could do nothing except nod.

* * *

"Pino always speaks in third person. That's ok, right?"

* * *

The young woman sitting before him now was nearly hysterical.

"You see, I caught my ex touching another woman, so we fought and he killed me!" Monad described.

"Wait, he killed-?"

The woman broke down into tears and continued."Then this scientist brought me back to life, but now I look just like that other woman! And he calls me by her name, too! Why does everyone want me to be like _her_?! Why won't anyone love me for _me_?!"

* * *

"I ripped off my own arm once," Vincent revealed.

"Well what's that then?" Dr. Nabe asked, pointing out that Vincent still had two arms.

"…I got better…"

* * *

Finally, Dr. Nabe had a real client. The head of Romdeau's security bureau. If there was going to be anyone today with problems that would make sense, this would be the man.

Raul Creed walked into the room and sat down.

"I'm obsessed with a man," he said.

"Wha-?"

"I see him everywhere I go. I must find him."

* * *

"Also, someone dies every time Pino plays the harmonica. Should Pino stop playing it?"

"How many appointments did you make, little girl?!"

"A lot!" the little auto-reiv smiled brightly.

* * *

"You see, my son was supposed to save the world from an alien invasion, but he ran off with some woman and got his memories erased," the mysterious man who called himself "Proxy One" said. "So, I concocted this huge, unnecessarily complex plan involving-"

Dr. Nabe wished he had cancelled this appointment.

* * *

"My granddaughter hates me!" Donov Mayer yelled. "She won't listen to a word I say, and now she's dating some man who isn't even human! And she started dating him _after_ he killed me right in front of her!"

"Wait. If he killed you, then how are we having this conversation?"

"…I got better…"

* * *

Dr. Nabe's next patient was a handsome blonde man calling himself Kazkis.

"I have commitment issues," he said. "I fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. Worse yet, if someone kills the person I love, I usually then fall in love with _that_ person. Plus, I'm bisexual."

Dr. Nabe knew he should have gone to the store for some asprin the day before.

* * *

"Every day I have the worst bad hair day ever. See? Look at these split ends! They're sharp enough to kill a person!" Senekis shrieked.

But Dr. Nabe had a much more pressing question.

"…Why are you naked?"

* * *

"Pino also likes to wear a bunny suit sometimes, for no apparent reason! Does Dr. Freud Wa Nabe know why?"

"That's it! Get out of here!"

* * *

"I made an amusement park full of rides and cartoon characters where children can live and play at for free and have fun for their entire lives!"

Suddenly, Dr. Nabe began to see why this client's name was Will B. Good...

* * *

"Why, hello! My name is MCQ! I'm here because I committed suicide on a game show after I lost!"

Dr. Nabe wasn't sure what he found more disturbing: the client's problem, or the fact that he had announced it with such a bright smile on his face.

* * *

"…Everyone I know...Is an idiot," Kristeva stated bluntly.

* * *

"So, Mr…Freud Wa Nabe, is it?" the psychologist asked. "What seems to be the problem, today?"

Dr. Nabe curled up on the couch in the fetal position as he squeaked out "…This last group of people…"


End file.
